I Can’t Feel My Toes!!

Hi to all! Hope everyone is continuing to do positive acts of kindness for others, as well as yourself. I have been enjoying your stories and comments! It has been a rough week for the Selman family, as my Mother is declining rapidly, and we know that she will win her battle with Alzheimer’s soon. Since it has been a pretty heartbreaking week, I thought a little humor and levity was necessary. So here is my story and challenge for the week…

As most of you know, I speak at conferences and conventions all over the United States, and am certainly a seasoned, road warrior. I KNOW how to travel…I have two of everything…one suitcase is always packed, ready to go. I never travel without at least two outfits (even for one presentation), because you just never know! 

I was scheduled to make a one-day presentation for an association, in a small town. For some reason, I only took one dress with me. Once I arrived at the hotel (make that “motel”), I realized that I had not brought any pantyhose to wear with my dress.  (This was before it became popular to go “hoseless.”) Since there was no huge merchandise store in the area, and nothing open, I found myself at the local truck stop. Now, the sign did say “one size fits all,” and I thought, “Well then, they should fit me.” (As an aside, I would like to point out to all of you that one size does NOT fit all!) I returned to the motel and turned in for the night, secure in the fact that I would be properly attired the next day for my presentation.

I got up the next morning, took my shower, and began dressing. Everything was going great until I began putting on those “one size fits all” pantyhose. The crotch of the pantyhose would only come up to my knees…no matter how hard I pulled and tugged! In my head I was trying to visualize the individual they used as a measurement for the “one size….” I began to panic at this point, thinking, “It’s winter, my legs are too white…there’s no way that I can make a presentation with BARE legs!” It was then that the creative side of my brain kicked in…

I thought, “cut the pantyhose in half at the crotch, and find something to hold each leg up, like the old-fashioned garters that your grandmother used to wear.” I quickly found a pair of scissors and cut the pantyhose in half. Then I began frantically searching for two rubber bands…NONE to be found! I called the front desk asking for rubber bands. They said, “We’re so sorry, Ms. Selman, we’re out – have them ordered.” I really began to panic then, as the clock was ticking, and I STILL had those white legs…

I began wildly looking for anything in the room that might hold those pantyhose up! My eyes finally came to rest on my tennis shoes, and I thought, “Yay, the shoe strings!”  (It is hugely important to note at this time, that the shoestrings were NOT elasticized…) I quickly put each leg of the pantyhose on, wrapped a shoestring around the top of them, and rolled them up tight, just above my knees. I then put the dress on and stepped in front of the mirror to check everything out. I thought to myself, “no one will ever be the wiser…”

I got to the meeting, introductions were made, and I began my presentation. (Just so you know, and to give you a completely visual picture, when I speak, I move constantly and am obviously energetic and  enthused.) Fifteen minutes into the presentation, my legs began tingling, and I realized that I had probably made a huge error in judgment regarding the shoe strings. They were too tight and I had most certainly cut off the circulation to my legs. So, as I was speaking, my brain was screaming, “What are you going to do…you’re going to lose all feeling in your legs, fall…and everyone is going to see this mess under your dress! DO something!”

So….I began walking about a little more, flexing my calf muscles as much as I could, trying to ignore the curious stares that I was beginning to get…By this time, I could no longer feel my toes, and knew that I was in deep trouble. I realized that I could not keep up the charade any longer. I stopped my presentation, looked at everyone in the audience, and said, “I have a confession to make. ” I then lifted my dress high enough for them to see the garters, and said, “If I don’t untie these immediately, I am REALLY going to give you a show!” They all cracked up laughing, and my sorry story came out…At break, one of the participants ran to a store and got me a pair of pantyhose that actually fit, and I finished the day.

We take ourselves far too seriously, apply needless pressure to an already pressurized life, and fail to see the humor in many of our situations. This week I am going to try harder to believe that most people are understanding and will “follow my lead.” If I can be calm, and see the humor, then usually, they can too. Won’t you join me? Just for this week…


8 thoughts on “I Can’t Feel My Toes!!

  1. I loved this story. It made me laugh out loud. Cat, sometimes we just have to laugh at ourselves. I am loving your stories.!!!!

  2. Bonnie says:

    Hey Cat,
    Wish you lived closer. I would love to see you. Bonnie

  3. Carla says:

    You are so resourceful!
    I have just read all of your posts so far, and have been touched, amused and inspired.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and yourself!

  4. Cat Selman says:

    Well, Carla, you work with what you have…So nice to hear from you.

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