Hon, you goin’ have to take that off…

Hope everyone has had a good week, and that you were successful in letting those “family” members know how much you love and need them in your lives. I feel that we are in need of a little levity this week, and that usually involves “something” that I’ve done, so here is the story…

Years ago, Hot Springs, Arkansas was the “resort area” of the South. It was all you heard about…the vacation spot! The commercials made the area sound SO luxurious!  As a young professional, just starting out in my career, I had always thought how neat it would be to go there one day…and personally enjoy those hot mineral springs that people kept talking about. I never really made any plans to go…it was just one of those places that was “on my list.” It was years before the opportunity to go presented itself.

I worked with a dietitian who was going to be making a presentation at a large convention, held at a beautiful resort…Where, you might ask? The convention just happened to be located right, smack dab in the middle of Hot Springs! As it turned out, my friend’s husband did not want to go with her, and she did not want to go by herself, so lucky me got the invitation! I accepted as soon as she finished uttering the offer. Oh, the plans I had in my head!

As soon as we arrived and checked into the hotel, I called down to guest services and scheduled a hot mineral bath and massage for the next morning. (Now you need to know that this was in the late 70’s and I really had no idea what a mineral bath or massage was at the time…) So, at 10:00 the next morning, I made my appearance at the spa. The female attendant gave me a real “southern” welcome, provided me with a sheet, and directed me to a small room where I was instructed to remove all of my clothes. WELL…I’m not sure what I had been thinking when I fantasized about Hot Springs and a hot mineral bath, but I can assure you that removing any of my clothing at ANY time had NOT been a part of the fantasy. All too quickly, I realized that in order to be given a bath, one HAD to remove their clothes!

So…I’m in the little changing room by myself, looking at the sheet, looking at my clothes (still on my body, mind you), and I decide, well, I can pretty much cover everything up with this sheet. I proceeded to remove my clothes and wrap the sheet around me. When I came out, I looked like a mummy from one of those old time movies. The sheet was wrapped from my neck down to my ankles. The attendant smiled and instructed me to follow her. I “tippy-toed” all the way back to the bath area, praying that I would not lose my balance and fall. As I walked, I prayed, “Please, dear God, let mineral water be colored.” Just for your own edification, mineral water is NOT colored…it is VERY clear…just like regular drinking water.

As we arrived at the “bath area,” the attendant turned me over to another staff person. This lady looked at how I was wrapped up in the sheet, put her hand on her hip, and said, “Hon, you goin’ have to take that off.” It was decision time for me…either go through with the appointment or leave quickly before anyone could catch me. I prided myself in being educated, “with it,” and fairly “cool.” I thought well, “it will be obvious that they’ve seen better…hopefully, they’ve seen worse.” And I dropped my sheet.

Did you know that there is absolutely NO WHERE to put your hands when you are naked and you are “conversing” with someone who happens to be clothed??? I tried crossing my arms, placing my hands on my hips, moving them around through the air….anything to hide the fact that I did not have any clothes on my body…and believe me…NOTHING WORKED!!! I was still naked, and she was still dressed!!

She finally assisted me into the tub, placed a nice warm towel behind my neck, left for a few moments, and then brought me a small glass of hot mineral water. She told me to enjoy myself, and left. After a few minutes, soaking in that warmth, drinking “that” mineral water, I began to unwind and relax a little. Then I started to get a little “cocky.” I was thinking “ain’t you something…up here in Hot Springs, AR, getting you a hot mineral bath…you are some kinda uptown!” I was doing just great until a new person (fully clothed like the others…) came into my bath room. She gave me a big smile and said, “Good Morning! How are you this beautiful day?” Now what I said was, “Fine, thank you, and you?” However, inside my head I was screaming, “How do you think I am??? I’M NAKED!!!” She proceeded to put a glove on her hand that resembled steel wool, so it definitely got my attention. She poured a little lubricant onto the glove and then reached into MY tub, lifted one of MY legs, and began giving me a bath! (I can promise you that I was watching very closely just where she went with that glove…) The whole time I was thinking…you PAID for this humiliation!!

I did live through that experience, and have come to love, and strongly believe in the therapeutic value of massage; however, the jury is still out on the baths…

There are times when all of us have “jumped” into a situation, or made decisions, without having all of the facts, and without realizing the end result. You would think that after all these years, I would have learned that valuable lesson, but unfortunately, I can still get myself into some “awkward” situations. So this week, I am going to concentrate on fully analyzing, obtaining facts, and just plain ole researching before I commit myself to any activity – whether for business or pleasure. Won’t you join me? Just for this week…


2 thoughts on “Hon, you goin’ have to take that off…

  1. Tony says:

    Cat, “analyzing, obtaining facts, and just plain ole researching…” is not very conducive to more fun stories from your life.

    • Cat Selman says:

      Well…unfortunately for me, I don’t think doing all of that is actually going to keep me out of “trouble!” (As you well know…) I just can’t seem to stay out of things!

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